Twas a busy night at the tavern. Everyone was riled up thanks to some very recent drama which provided rollicking amusement for all. Overall, a pretty standard night.
Then the door opened.
Standing in the doorway was one of the regular tavern patrons. A five-foot-seven anthropomorphic Great White shark named Gage, better known by the other taverngoers as Sane Intolerant. He was wearing what looked like a futuristic army getup and had what seemed to be a Covenant carbine on his back and the hilt of an energy sword on his thigh.
Yo, Sane! called one of the many people sitting at the bar. He wore a fancy tux and a top hat with a feather in it atop his head, which was naught but a giant squid eye. Gages good friend, Rasec Wizzlbang. You should have been in here earlier! Someone was complaining about some terribly edited screenshots of theirs that had been removed from the gallery, and
Let me guess, Gage said, seemingly out of breath and as if he was in a hurry. They were wearing Sonic-related attire?
Uh, yeah, how did you know?
Its always Sonicfags, he replied, walking over to the bar and taking a seat. He seemed to be rushing. Garrett, tall glass of Dr Pepper, on the rocks and make it snappy, I need to get out of here quick.
Why the hurry? CapnGarrett, the taverns bartender, asked.
on the run from the feds.
The entire tavern went silent. Gage turned around to see that all the patrons were staring at him.
Look, its not what you think! I havent done anything wrong!
Their collective gaze didnt falter.
Well, okay, maybe I double parked once or twice, but I havent done anything bannable!
Then why are they after you? asked CapnGarrett.
Well, see, it began roughly 3 hours ago after I returned from a date
Gage was returning to his home, built into the side of Mount Deviant, from a date with his girlfriend. He entered his house smiling like a loon, and sighed happily as he shut the door.
A female voice came on over the houses intercom system. How was your date with Miss Kari, sir?
It was amazing as always, Fei. He sighed happily again, then straightened himself up. Hows the progress on the new products?
A reddish-orange hologram of an anthropomorphic tiger shark appeared in front of Gage, projected by the holopad on the floor in front of him. Fei Lin, the homes AI keeper. Your Halo-themed weaponry, the energy sword and carbine, is finished. Grapple beam is at 80%, and Im having some slight difficulty with the Falcon Gauntlet.
What seems to be the issue? Gage asked.
Well, said the hologram, the mini-jets and the gauntlet itself seem to be sturdy enough, but your other request, um, flames in the shape of a falcon, is proving to be a tad difficult.
Well, youve done more difficult things Fei, Im sure you can pull this off, Gage said, moving to a nearby closet and stepping inside.
There was a buzzing sound and the floor moved out from under him. Gage fell through the hole in the floor, sliding down the tube that led to the houses lab. There was a beeping sound that signaled the approach of the slides end, followed by a fall onto a large mat.
Why you wont just settle for an elevator or a set of stairs is beyond me, sir, Fei Lin said over the intercom.
Because, Gage explained, then I wouldnt feel like Batman.
Right. The finished weapons are on table three. I will prepare the combat range.
Gage walked past tables one and two, where several mechanical arms coming out of the ceiling were working on the Falcon Gauntlet and Grapple beam, respectively, and made his way to the third table, where the carbine and energy sword were waiting for him. Then he kept walking.
Sir, Fei Lin said.
Table three was the one you just passed.
I knew that.
Gage turned around and walked back to table three. He picked up the weapons, examining them.
You made extra clips for the carbine, correct?
Yes sir, theyre in the belt pack on the table. Your battle attire is in your locker and I have just finished setting up the combat range.
Gage had his battle attire tailored specifically to look like a marine from the Halo series. He attached the pack of clips to his belt, the carbine to his back, and the swords hilt to his thigh. He walked past several doors before finally coming to the door to the combat range. He entered the vast expanse, which was mostly empty except for a few walls and targets. It looked somewhat like a paintball arena, though he never used it as such.
Alright Fei, initiating test of carbine, he said, removing the gun from his back.
Yes sir. What battle music would you like today? Halo Suite? Follow? Finish the Fight?
Im a Sonicfag before Im a Halotard, Fei Lin. Throw on some Team Chaotix.
Right. Simulation start, said Fei Lin.
A target popped up right in front of Gage. He aimed the carbine and pulled the trigger, sending a shot of plasma at the target, scorching it and setting it aflame.
A few more targets popped up here and there, each one becoming a burning mess as a result of the new weapon. Just when he thought he was done, a final target popped up behind him, surprising him. Without thinking, he grabbed the sword from his thigh and activated it, slashing the target in half.
It seems, sir, that in the process of proving that the carbine works, you also proved that the sword works, Fei Lin said.
Yes, quite efficient if I say so myself.
Of course, sir.
Well, all this fun and excitement has gotten me in the mood for some criminal-hunting. Fei Lin, scan the alarm system and let me know if anything's going down, Gage asked, powering down the sword and reattaching the sword to his thigh.
Yes sir. Initiating sca- oh.
Oh? What is oh? Oh sounds like something bad.
Alarms going off
all over. Every gallery, museum, and library is reporting a break-in and every major social meeting place is calling in reports of harassment, Fei Lin said.
Jesus Christ. Well, whats the closest alarm?
Gallery of Realism, three blocks east from the foot of the mountain.
Right then! Gage called out, striking a pose. To the sharkmobile!
There was a pause.
I am not playing the theme, Fei Lin said.
Fine then, spoilsport, Gage said, making his way to the garage.
Deep within the many halls of the Gallery of Realism, trouble was brewing. An art thief, one of the many kinds of Bandemonium residents, was carrying a sack full of pieces he had plucked here and there. He cackled evilly and twirled his mustache, grabbing piece after piece.
Suddenly, there was a tap on his shoulder.
Excuse me, good sir, but I believe that this particular gallery is closed.
The thiefs eyes went wide and he began to turn around. He recognized the voice.
However, I hear that
Gage stopped mid-sentence. The thief was turned completely around now.
dont I know you?
Uh!? No! No, I dont think you know me!
Yes, yes I do. I helped put you away two months ago.
No you didnt-!
The art thief didnt get a chance to finish his sentence as Gage slammed him in the face with the butt of his gun.
The thief woke up a while later to find himself on the roof of the gallery, looking over its edge. He stood up slowly, then froze at the sound of someone behind him clearing their throat. He turned around to find the shark that had knocked him out pointing a weapon he had never seen before at him.
How did you get here? Gage asked.
The art thief didnt answer. Gage shot the ground in front of him, leaving a burn mark.
I asked you a question. How. Did you. Get here?
I was let back in!
How? With all the things you were put away for, I find it very unlikely theyd let you back in.
I swear! Someone just showed up with a teleporter and told us all that we could come back!
There was a pause. Gage grabbed the thief by the collar of his shirt. Im taking you to the authorities. Then you can tell them your story.
A quick car ride later, Gage led the art thief into Stykeras station by the front of his shirt, throwing him onto the floor in front of him.
Got one for ya. Art thief and a ban evader, he said, smiling.
Stykera walked over to the art thief and picked him up.
Youre free to go.
Gage turned and began to walk away, but was grabbed from behind and pulled back.
Not you. The art thief, Stykera said.
The art thief smiled and ran out of the building.
Hey, what gives?
Youre under arrest for wrongful prosecution. You will spend the rest of your days in Bandemonium.
Gage managed to break away. Whoa whoa whoa, hold on a sec. Now, I may be able to see a situation from both sides most of the time, but come on. Im not the one stealing art and returning from Bandemonium. Im just a citizen doing their job and, as far as I know, that isnt against the law.
Actually, Stykera said. It is now.
shitfuck the what in the who now?
Sorry, Sane Intolerant. Im just doing my job.
There was a pause. Gage thought hard about what he had just heard.
like hell you are.
He bolted out the door and ran to his car. He hopped in and hit the gas, speeding away.
The authorities chased him for a good 30 minutes before Gage managed to lose them. He thought about what his next move should be. There was supposed to be a group of people keeping Bandemonium residents out of Deviant City, what happened with them? Should he go right to the top with this? Should he head back to his home? No, no, theyd expect that. And Fei Lin wouldnt let them into the lab anyways.
He thought. Hed need to seek out help first. And if there was anyone who could help him, he knew where to find them. He stepped on the gas and drove off in the direction of the Complaints Tavern.